I like to keep an open state of mind and write about the world around me. These are my thoughts.

Slut Mode and the Virus..

Jun 23, 2021

When I came out at after being married for 18 years I confess that I went through a serious “slut mode”. This happened just after I left the house and moved into a nice condo located on the twenty fifth floor of a new building. The ceilings were high and there was a beautiful city view through the windows. This apartment was ideal for my experiential mode in the gay world. The big drawback was that in addition to me being horny I was also somewhat of a hypochondriac.

I read everything related to STD’s and could recite the symptoms when woken up at 2am for a STD pop quiz. I did everything by the book, used protection and was selective with my partners. All that precaution did not stop me from thinking that I have contracted an STD during every encounter.

I visited my family Dr. every three months. I showed up on her clinics doorstep with a worried look on my face. “Hello Alon” she would greet me with a smile. “How are you feeling today?” in the early days I would try and conceal my real intention for coming. I would make up stuff and then nonchalantly say that if I’m already here that should also get a STD blood test.

As the months progressed my Doctor told me that I was her “best” male patient. After a while we both skipped the pleasantries. Three months later she would still greet me with a smile and say “Hello Alon, what can I do for today?” minutes later I would be giving blood in the next door lab. The nurse told me that if I don’t get a call that all is fine and that I am negative.

Six days after one of these tests I was on a business trip to Las Vegas. I was staying at a five star luxury hotel laying in a lush bed enjoying my good fortunes while waking up slowly. I sensed the vibration of my phone next to me and reached over to see who is calling. While in my mind I was thinking “who could this be? Nobody calls me these days”. The screen said “Dr Goldbeg”, my heart stopped, it took me a split second to do the math and realize that I took the blood test six days prior. “They don’t call if there is no problem” run through my mind as I was reading the message. I answered the call with a weak voice. “hello, hello, is Alon there?” a voice asked, “hi, yes, this is Alon” as I said those words I thought that I will remember this moment forever. Life will be divided up until this moment and from this moment and after.. “This is Dr. Goldberg’s assistant, she asked me to call you and tell you that the tests are negative and that all is ok” “can you repeat that please” I said as I started breathing again. “everything is ok” she said. My Dr. was being considered yet almost gave me a heart attack by doing so..

That year ended when I met my first BF and some normalcy has entered my life. At first I was very worried about Covid because there was so much unknown and I was still somewhat of a hypochondriac. Today I am approaching the pandemic with more balance and a little fatalism. Even though I have asthma I am choosing to go out and sit outside with friends. I wear my mask in public areas and follow common sense rules of engagement. I have travelled to Vancouver last month in an airplane full of people. I chose to live through this pandemic in a balanced way.

Life taught me that if I wanted to live life to the fullest threats were part of the deal. During this pandemic I will do my part to keep myself, family and friends safe by taking precautions but I will also not surrender all of my freedoms to it.

With love,

alon