The past few weeks haven’t been easy on me, to say the least. It started in late December when the government announced a second lockdown, and a couple of other events happened that saddened me. Soon after I felt a heaviness around the top of my head as if an invisible heavy chain was tightening around it. At first, I didn’t notice it. I entered an automatic mode, where I just went through life like a robot. Everything around me was at about 50%, including my emotions and feelings.
As time progressed, I noticed the lack of enthusiasm and apathetic behavior, and then I became aware of its heavy weight on and around my head. I tried eating more carbs and drinking more alcohol. Both helped in the short run but then it got worse. I tried no drinking, exercising, avoiding the news. But nothing seemed to change my mood. It was such a shitty yet interesting state of mind. I was aware of what I was going through and took steps to change it, but nothing helped!
After throwing everything that I had at it to no avail, I decided to just be aware of it and ride it through. Maybe it was my bf that came back after three months of being away. Maybe I just accepted that I have no control over Covid and its impact on our health and economy. This morning I’m happy to announce that the weight and tightness are gone for now. I feel so much lighter.
This whole experience made me value everyone around me so much more. I like to pride myself on being independent and not needing other people’s help, but I am learning how dependent I am on everyone around me. I know that we are not out of the woods yet, but we are close.
Love you all.
